Telling your kids you are Proud of them
November 17, 2019
Hello there! I am SO sorry I have been M.I.A. I have had so much stuff (good stuff) going on in my life that I have not had time to sit down and blog. I am still dealing with my large school workload which takes up most of my time these days! Additionally, I am in the process of filling out our application for our nonprofit organization. I never knew how large the application is and how much work goes into just filling out the damn thing. So in my spare time I have been working with my partner Blanca on getting that moving. Additionally, I am in the process of starting an Air B and B which has been pretty time consuming too. We are almost to the finish line with that though, we need to get the place repainted and then we will be ready to go!
Moving on, today I wanted to talk about something that I see a lot of parents do not do. Do you remember the last time you told your kids you were proud of them? If you do, and it was recent, great job! If you can't think of it, don't beat yourself up! There is always time to change habits to incorporate new ones!
I used to work with this lady who had three kids. All her kids went to private school, all played sports, all got strait A's, and they were all the star athletes in all of their sports programs. Every Monday she would come into work and tell me about her busy weekend driving the kids around to their practices and competitions. She would always tell me so and so got first place and she won the competition this weekend! I always admired how much she loved her kids and how much she pushed them to succeed in everything that they did.
One day she mentioned that her oldest son was stressed out because he was applying to high schools, had to keep up his grades, and being a star for all of his sports. I asked her what she told him and she she said she told him to man up and that things weren't going to get any easier as he got older. I felt bad that she told him that and I don't think that really is helpful in getting rid of stress. I then asked her "do you ever tell him you are proud of him." She looked at me and paused. She thought about it and shes like "no, not really." I told her it is so important to let him know you are proud, hell, I am proud of him and hes not even my kid! I told her maybe he thinks that she just wants him to be perfect and he doesn't even know how she really feels because she was not one to really talk about her feelings, especially with her kids.
The following week she came into work and she told me that she spoke to her oldest son and she ended up telling him she was proud of him. I asked her what he said and she said he was like, "you are?" That response says a lot. He was confused for one. For two, he obviously was not used to her ever saying it. I am glad I had that conversation with her though because something that seems so small and insignificant to most people is actually quite a big deal in our children's eyes. They need to hear those words. They need to know they are doing well. They need to know their work is not going unnoticed. Just like you at your job. You are busting your ass on a project and your boss pulls you to the side to tell you you are doing amazing and they appreciate your hard work. Those words go a long way don't they? Your boss is recognizing your hard work and efforts and for that, you may even work a little harder or just be motivated to keep it going at that pace.
Remember when you were a child and you got in trouble with your parents and they would tell you "I am very disappointed in you." I remember those words hurting more than a physical slap or spanking. As children, I don't think it is ever their intention to disappoint their parents. That's how kids see the proud word.
Something I will never forget about my daughter, especially when she was younger, was whenever I would tell her I was proud of her, she would perk up and get this cute little grin on her face. Almost like she craved those words, which is why I have always been conscious to tell her great things about herself all the time. I wanted to build up her self esteem and it really did wonders. There were a few years of her life where she was getting into trouble a lot (see my Punishment blog for more details) and I would always tell her how disappointed I was in her. I could see the sadness in her face when I would tell her those words but they were words she needed to hear because her actions not only effect her but they effect others around her as well and I wanted her to know that. Once her behavior started to improve I would always recognize her efforts and tell her that I see what she is trying to improve on and that I am proud of her for doing so. The look on her face would tell me that my words to her were quite important. She, to this day, looks to hear those words from me and I will always tell her how proud I am of her. I will always be her #1 fan, her #1 supporter, her rock, her everything she needs to be successful and happy.
If you have small children at home, do they show you the picture they drew at school? How do you react? Do you not even look and brush it off? Or do you say, "wow look at at that! Look at the detail in the horse in the picture, good job!" If they get a good report card, how do you act? Do you tell them they can do better? Or do you tell them, "I am proud of you for trying but I think you can do a little better the next time because you are super smart!" Here you are telling them you are proud, then telling them they can improve and why they can improve (because they are smart). Positive words and encouragement go a long way with kids and it is something they will always remember. Additionally, they will take everything you have done as a parent and use that for when they have their own kids, including those important words of encouragement.
With that being said, I encourage you to try this if it is not something that is normal in your household. Look at your kids when you say it. Are they surprised? Do they seem happy? I think you will be just as surprised as my co-worker was when I asked her if she told her kids that she is proud of them.
P.S. As I am writing this blog, my daughter is sitting next to me. I just asked how she feels when I tell her I am proud of her. She answered in one word, "awesome." Just sayin. :)
Hello there! I am SO sorry I have been M.I.A. I have had so much stuff (good stuff) going on in my life that I have not had time to sit down and blog. I am still dealing with my large school workload which takes up most of my time these days! Additionally, I am in the process of filling out our application for our nonprofit organization. I never knew how large the application is and how much work goes into just filling out the damn thing. So in my spare time I have been working with my partner Blanca on getting that moving. Additionally, I am in the process of starting an Air B and B which has been pretty time consuming too. We are almost to the finish line with that though, we need to get the place repainted and then we will be ready to go!
Moving on, today I wanted to talk about something that I see a lot of parents do not do. Do you remember the last time you told your kids you were proud of them? If you do, and it was recent, great job! If you can't think of it, don't beat yourself up! There is always time to change habits to incorporate new ones!
I used to work with this lady who had three kids. All her kids went to private school, all played sports, all got strait A's, and they were all the star athletes in all of their sports programs. Every Monday she would come into work and tell me about her busy weekend driving the kids around to their practices and competitions. She would always tell me so and so got first place and she won the competition this weekend! I always admired how much she loved her kids and how much she pushed them to succeed in everything that they did.
One day she mentioned that her oldest son was stressed out because he was applying to high schools, had to keep up his grades, and being a star for all of his sports. I asked her what she told him and she she said she told him to man up and that things weren't going to get any easier as he got older. I felt bad that she told him that and I don't think that really is helpful in getting rid of stress. I then asked her "do you ever tell him you are proud of him." She looked at me and paused. She thought about it and shes like "no, not really." I told her it is so important to let him know you are proud, hell, I am proud of him and hes not even my kid! I told her maybe he thinks that she just wants him to be perfect and he doesn't even know how she really feels because she was not one to really talk about her feelings, especially with her kids.
The following week she came into work and she told me that she spoke to her oldest son and she ended up telling him she was proud of him. I asked her what he said and she said he was like, "you are?" That response says a lot. He was confused for one. For two, he obviously was not used to her ever saying it. I am glad I had that conversation with her though because something that seems so small and insignificant to most people is actually quite a big deal in our children's eyes. They need to hear those words. They need to know they are doing well. They need to know their work is not going unnoticed. Just like you at your job. You are busting your ass on a project and your boss pulls you to the side to tell you you are doing amazing and they appreciate your hard work. Those words go a long way don't they? Your boss is recognizing your hard work and efforts and for that, you may even work a little harder or just be motivated to keep it going at that pace.
Remember when you were a child and you got in trouble with your parents and they would tell you "I am very disappointed in you." I remember those words hurting more than a physical slap or spanking. As children, I don't think it is ever their intention to disappoint their parents. That's how kids see the proud word.
Something I will never forget about my daughter, especially when she was younger, was whenever I would tell her I was proud of her, she would perk up and get this cute little grin on her face. Almost like she craved those words, which is why I have always been conscious to tell her great things about herself all the time. I wanted to build up her self esteem and it really did wonders. There were a few years of her life where she was getting into trouble a lot (see my Punishment blog for more details) and I would always tell her how disappointed I was in her. I could see the sadness in her face when I would tell her those words but they were words she needed to hear because her actions not only effect her but they effect others around her as well and I wanted her to know that. Once her behavior started to improve I would always recognize her efforts and tell her that I see what she is trying to improve on and that I am proud of her for doing so. The look on her face would tell me that my words to her were quite important. She, to this day, looks to hear those words from me and I will always tell her how proud I am of her. I will always be her #1 fan, her #1 supporter, her rock, her everything she needs to be successful and happy.
If you have small children at home, do they show you the picture they drew at school? How do you react? Do you not even look and brush it off? Or do you say, "wow look at at that! Look at the detail in the horse in the picture, good job!" If they get a good report card, how do you act? Do you tell them they can do better? Or do you tell them, "I am proud of you for trying but I think you can do a little better the next time because you are super smart!" Here you are telling them you are proud, then telling them they can improve and why they can improve (because they are smart). Positive words and encouragement go a long way with kids and it is something they will always remember. Additionally, they will take everything you have done as a parent and use that for when they have their own kids, including those important words of encouragement.
With that being said, I encourage you to try this if it is not something that is normal in your household. Look at your kids when you say it. Are they surprised? Do they seem happy? I think you will be just as surprised as my co-worker was when I asked her if she told her kids that she is proud of them.
P.S. As I am writing this blog, my daughter is sitting next to me. I just asked how she feels when I tell her I am proud of her. She answered in one word, "awesome." Just sayin. :)