Why I don't allow my 13 year old to have social media
September 14, 2019
Before I begin, I would like to say, I know everyone parents their kids differently and that's perfectly okay, I am not saying anyone that allows their kids to have social media account are wrong or bad parents, I am simply sharing how I personally feel about social media and how I prefer not exposing my child to it so early on in her life.
For the last 3 years my daughter has begged and pleaded with me about having a social media account. She's even tried to state her case as to why she can handle having an account. She says she can handle it, she's responsible, and she won't add people she doesn't know. Sounds great yes, but no.
In particular, she has asked for a Facebook, Musically, Instagram, and Snap-chat. As a matter of fact, two days ago she asked me again why I would not allow her to have a Snap-chat account. She even told me that I can monitor her Snap-chat account if I wanted to. For anyone that doesn't know, Snap-chat is an app where you can send and receive pictures that delete right away or you can post something to your story and it deletes after 24 hours. Any app that allows things to disappear sounds like a terrible idea for a teenager to have. I myself have gotten myself into trouble on Snap-chat a time or two AS AN ADULT so imagine a teenager. I stated my case and of course, she was upset and tries to make me feel guilty with the "all my friend have it though" statement.
I told her the main reason for my rule is that I simply feel she is too young and it is just another added pressure for her. She had a rough year last year in 7th grade being the new girl and getting bullied excessively where she pretty much was coming home at least once a week crying about the mean things someone said or did to her. It was hard to watch my kid struggle with this and not really being able to do anything about it (Chicago Public Schools do not have a anti-bullying policy [eye roll emoji again]). Imagine if she would have had a social media account and on top of being bullied at school she was being bullied on social media. Why, if I can prevent it, would I grant another outlet for people to mess with her some more.
Additionally, I have read articles on the effects of social media in young people and the results were not very good. It only justified my feelings about it even more. The article stated that kids and teens that have access to social media are more likely have have anxiety, depression, and lower self esteem. Particularly, girls tend to suffer from cyber bullying more than boys according to the study. Not only do I see it as a problem because of the potential of people being able to bully you but because it is extremely tempting for younger people to mimic what they see. Additionally, the pressure to fit in and wanting what other people have can create a false sense of reality for young people.
When I was 21 years old, I would post ANYTHING because I was young and dumb. When I see the things I used to post pop up on my Facebook memories I literally cringe from embarrassment of how dumb I used to make myself look. But when you are 21 you think you know everything about the world. Now, imagine giving all that social freedom to a 13 year old, who is WAY more immature than a 21 year old? Disastrous in my opinion. Don't get me wrong, I believe many teens can have it and be completely fine but for me, it's simply a risk that I am not willing to take.
As I have stated in my other blogs, as a parent, I always try to put myself in my kids shoes. I always try to think back to how I used to think and feel at that age. My daughter is 13 years old and in 8th grade and when I was in 8th grade all I wanted to do was fit in. Luckily, I was not the type to try to fit in hard enough where I made bad choices but it was certainly a big desire at that age for me. Additionally, I see this new generation as the "monkey see, monkey do" generation. Think about all these challenges these kids do these days just to fit in and because "everyone else is doing it." We have seen the lengths today's kids will go through just to be seen which is one of the main things that scares me. Remember the cinnamon challenge? Where people would take a spoonful of cinnamon (insert eye roll emoji here) and immediately start choking because they can't breath or vomit because they are coughing so hard. Or remember the milk challenge where you drink a two gallon jug in one sitting with the end result being vomiting your heart out. Yes, these are some of the things kids do just to get some likes and attention.
I didn't grow up in this era of technology so maybe I am a bit ignorant of how today's kids socialize with one another but to me, social media is also another method of kids not knowing how to socialize properly like they used to. Before we used to get on the phone and have conversations or at least text message and now so much is done through sometimes only sending an emoji or a GIF.
Kids need parents to make decisions for them. Kids are NOT capable of making good decisions about their lives so why we do allow them to have access to everything and have the freedom to post and have whatever apps they want? Do you really know what your kid is doing on their electronics? We can't watch and see everything, even with these trackers and safeguards on their phones. As much as my daughter probably cannot stand me and probably thinks I am uncool and too strict, I have her best interest at heart. I am only thinking about her life and how I can make it better and positive and I do not see social media as a positive for a teenager and I know she is not missing out on anything like she thinks she is. I'd love to hear feedback from parents on this subject. Do you allow your teenager to have social media? Why are you okay with it? And for those of us who do not allow it, what is your reasoning for not allowing it?
Before I begin, I would like to say, I know everyone parents their kids differently and that's perfectly okay, I am not saying anyone that allows their kids to have social media account are wrong or bad parents, I am simply sharing how I personally feel about social media and how I prefer not exposing my child to it so early on in her life.
For the last 3 years my daughter has begged and pleaded with me about having a social media account. She's even tried to state her case as to why she can handle having an account. She says she can handle it, she's responsible, and she won't add people she doesn't know. Sounds great yes, but no.
In particular, she has asked for a Facebook, Musically, Instagram, and Snap-chat. As a matter of fact, two days ago she asked me again why I would not allow her to have a Snap-chat account. She even told me that I can monitor her Snap-chat account if I wanted to. For anyone that doesn't know, Snap-chat is an app where you can send and receive pictures that delete right away or you can post something to your story and it deletes after 24 hours. Any app that allows things to disappear sounds like a terrible idea for a teenager to have. I myself have gotten myself into trouble on Snap-chat a time or two AS AN ADULT so imagine a teenager. I stated my case and of course, she was upset and tries to make me feel guilty with the "all my friend have it though" statement.
I told her the main reason for my rule is that I simply feel she is too young and it is just another added pressure for her. She had a rough year last year in 7th grade being the new girl and getting bullied excessively where she pretty much was coming home at least once a week crying about the mean things someone said or did to her. It was hard to watch my kid struggle with this and not really being able to do anything about it (Chicago Public Schools do not have a anti-bullying policy [eye roll emoji again]). Imagine if she would have had a social media account and on top of being bullied at school she was being bullied on social media. Why, if I can prevent it, would I grant another outlet for people to mess with her some more.
Additionally, I have read articles on the effects of social media in young people and the results were not very good. It only justified my feelings about it even more. The article stated that kids and teens that have access to social media are more likely have have anxiety, depression, and lower self esteem. Particularly, girls tend to suffer from cyber bullying more than boys according to the study. Not only do I see it as a problem because of the potential of people being able to bully you but because it is extremely tempting for younger people to mimic what they see. Additionally, the pressure to fit in and wanting what other people have can create a false sense of reality for young people.
When I was 21 years old, I would post ANYTHING because I was young and dumb. When I see the things I used to post pop up on my Facebook memories I literally cringe from embarrassment of how dumb I used to make myself look. But when you are 21 you think you know everything about the world. Now, imagine giving all that social freedom to a 13 year old, who is WAY more immature than a 21 year old? Disastrous in my opinion. Don't get me wrong, I believe many teens can have it and be completely fine but for me, it's simply a risk that I am not willing to take.
As I have stated in my other blogs, as a parent, I always try to put myself in my kids shoes. I always try to think back to how I used to think and feel at that age. My daughter is 13 years old and in 8th grade and when I was in 8th grade all I wanted to do was fit in. Luckily, I was not the type to try to fit in hard enough where I made bad choices but it was certainly a big desire at that age for me. Additionally, I see this new generation as the "monkey see, monkey do" generation. Think about all these challenges these kids do these days just to fit in and because "everyone else is doing it." We have seen the lengths today's kids will go through just to be seen which is one of the main things that scares me. Remember the cinnamon challenge? Where people would take a spoonful of cinnamon (insert eye roll emoji here) and immediately start choking because they can't breath or vomit because they are coughing so hard. Or remember the milk challenge where you drink a two gallon jug in one sitting with the end result being vomiting your heart out. Yes, these are some of the things kids do just to get some likes and attention.
I didn't grow up in this era of technology so maybe I am a bit ignorant of how today's kids socialize with one another but to me, social media is also another method of kids not knowing how to socialize properly like they used to. Before we used to get on the phone and have conversations or at least text message and now so much is done through sometimes only sending an emoji or a GIF.
Kids need parents to make decisions for them. Kids are NOT capable of making good decisions about their lives so why we do allow them to have access to everything and have the freedom to post and have whatever apps they want? Do you really know what your kid is doing on their electronics? We can't watch and see everything, even with these trackers and safeguards on their phones. As much as my daughter probably cannot stand me and probably thinks I am uncool and too strict, I have her best interest at heart. I am only thinking about her life and how I can make it better and positive and I do not see social media as a positive for a teenager and I know she is not missing out on anything like she thinks she is. I'd love to hear feedback from parents on this subject. Do you allow your teenager to have social media? Why are you okay with it? And for those of us who do not allow it, what is your reasoning for not allowing it?